Smallville - Season 5, Episode 9

I beat Rob. Suck on it Shaw! Suck it long and suck it hard! Finally, I scooped the unscoopable. The real reporter goes down in a blaze of glory to the hotshot Internet writer with the ego the size of Smallville.

Episode 9 of the 5th season brings us the obligatory Christmas episode. Will Smallville be able to keep the momentum its built since that Vampire fiasco of three episodes ago? Let’s buckle down and find out.

The opening scene has Lex meeting a mysterious guy named “Griff” in the back allies of Kansas, while a funky Christmas tune belts out in the background to remind us that even though there isn’t any snow on the ground, the Christmas spirit is in full effect. Griff is a bad dude who says that he can find dirt on Jonathan Kent or make it up, in an attempt to discredit his campaign (not that Lex is going to need it, Jonathan is going to bite the big one in episode 100. Make my words on that one). Lex, apparently, hears the music in the background and says that he wants 24 hours to think about his other options.


Of course, Lex walks out of the dark ally and gets shot, leading to a dream sequence that is going to show what his life would be like if he decides not to go through with his campaign to screw Jonathan Kent. In this “The Family Man” knock off storyline, Lex is married to Lana, they have a kid and another one on the way and everything has that white, “this is such a dream” haze to it. The amazing thing here is that Michael Rosenbaum (Lex) shows off another side of Lex we haven’t seen before. He’s completely different from the current Lex and the doppelganger Lex we saw last year. Rosenbaum has some acting chops but I’m sure we’ll never see them outside of Smallville as he’s probably type cast from now on. Lex is going to run this episode, which is a great thing. Lex’s mother, on the other hand, is a tool and a terrible actress, with almost porn like qualities with her “This… is… you life” delivery.

Uh oh… Chloe has a problem and only Clark can help. She needs toys delivered! You go Clark. Be all the Santa Claus you can be. Nice Clark and Lana moments, though. I forgot that they were going out. Or at least, the writers seem to forget that when they need to so that Clark can play with Lois. Hey, have you noticed this season that we never see Lana in the same place as Lois? You don’t think that they’re the same person, do you? Nah… couldn’t be.

Oh, back to Lex’s dream. The kid is a bit big for a car seat. Lex is on a budget? Whoa. That’s cool. Lana loves him so much? She sure falls in love easy. First Whitney, then Clark, then Jason, then back to Clark and then onto Lex? Jeeze, make up your mind you silly girl. Lana’s not a very good Christmas decorator, by the way.

Clark is now a full fledged reporter at the Plant! Way to go buddy. Didn’t know you had it in you!

Wait, how is Clark, logistically, getting into all these homes without a key? Is he breaking the door down at every turn? If Chloe was going a “toys for tots” program, wouldn’t people register and then pick up their toys? Talk about forced plot point. Why? That’s the question. Oh, there we go. The real Santa has lost his Christmas spirit and is a drunk. Good one. Superman can save even the mythical creations. Whoa, Santa’s dropping the word “Bitch”. This is envelope pushing television. Only on Smallville.

Okay, we’re back to the Lex storyline now. Why does it take 9 hours to get a Christmas tree? They leave in the morning and come back for supper? And why does everybody get their tree on Christmas Eve? Why not enjoy it for awhile.

You know what is missing here? The writers and director completely missed the boat on Clark. He should have been wearing glasses. Yet he’s not. Why not? 7 Years in the future and the boy is Superman, okay? He needs the glasses. Huge oversight on the writer’s part.

The glow of this episode is starting to hurt my eyes. The Christmas decorations in this episode are such overkill. Apparently the Christmas lights budget was through the roof for this episode.

Oh Ho Ho! Santa has delivered all the toys after being saved by his Christmas miracle (Clark). Why is Chloe just writing at her computer on Christmas Eve? Way to not help out Clark.

“How dare you play God with my life.” Interesting foreshadowing line as Lex is going to want to play God with everybody’s life in the future.

So, it’s come to an end and there was no freak of the week. Thank you Smallville writers, that’s like a Christmas present all of its own. A refreshing episode that lays a lot of groundwork and let us have a glimpse of a story that will never play out. A fun little episode to tie us over until the countdown to 100 starts in February (that’s right, no more Smallville until then).

It should be exciting, considering we’re 3 episodes away from the death of Jonathan Kent. Smallville rules this year. At this point, one of the best final seasons of a show, ever (I’m convinced that they’re going to pull the plug with the release of the next movie).